dinner for schmucks

Addison stop off the red line and Wrigley Stadium in the background. It’s crazy, I always forget how much more there is in Chicago than the Loop. California sounds nice, but I think I need to fully do Chicago before I leave. You know?

Blogging was never easy for me. It usually ends up being a Dear Journal-type entry like we had to do in elementary school, but there is something nice about writing down your thoughts. (regardless if it lacks content or proper grammar). Hopefully I can keep this up. I always thought it would be nice to go back at reread old posts. I did that prior to writing this via livejournal. Remember that? I hope I can write a little bit better and have better things to talk about. It’s 11:24 AM. Every since moving here, I’ve been waking up before nine. Regularly. Regardless of what time I sleep. Believe me, it was really frustrating at first. I LOVE sleeping, but I seem to be most productive in the morning (which is odd because earlier in the morning, around 12-3, I’m usually high out of my mind eating my fourth sandwich). Although I say I’m productive, but to be completely frank, I really don’t know what that means. Going to work? Is that productive? Little projects that make no money? Is that productive? I guess I need to stay optimistic, but you know. Gr.It’s hard. Real hard. To be able to try to focus on your future while balancing (the attempt) to be happy. I know I should go to school and I know I should try hard at it, but there is something in my head that is complicating that “goal”.  I’m only 20. Why do I need to do that?

I’m always a guy with a back-up plan. Usually. I made a few mistakes, but usually I have a back-up plan. Loans? Credit card debt? People? Cellphones? Internet (I know..but seriously)? Just close your eyes and imagine having the choice to either deal with all of that or none of it at all. Crazy and out-there, I know, but just imagine for a second. The quaint quiet mornings by the Salmon River or the togetherness of people who feel the same way. I’ve definitely been sucked up by this cult. Or commune. Or just a group of hippies who hate the city. Regardless, The Black Bear Family Ranch has been in my head since I’ve started reading about them. They sent me a few questionnaires to see where my interest originated from. If you really have the time, you should consider going to their website. God, I’m crazy.

That’s my view right now from my bed. I usually like to keep the blinds open before I sleep. It’s a nice view to wake up to. It’s probably going to be the nicest view I’ll ever wake up to. This place just sucks the money out of my bank account. Partially why I just like spending time in my room. Because I’m paying a thousand fucking dollars for it. Jesus! How can anyone charge anyone that much to just sleep, take a shit, and eat a few meals. Apartment shopping is more fun when I’m actually in the city rather than relying on a few low-quality, pix elated still images of windows and walls (which usually ends up disappointing you when you arrive). That’s enough of that. I really have nothing to say.

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