On location this morning. Rewind back an hour or two, say about 4:30A.M. Boom! Alarm clock hits my face and I have to wake up for work. Got a little something to give me that extra nudge to stay awake. A little forward to about 5:20A.M. This was twenty minutes into the train ride when I completely passed out. (Note: Work begins at 6A.M.) 5:52A.M. “Howard stop, end of red line everyone please exit the train”. I missed my stop ’bout six back. Son of a motherfucke- I know, I know. I eventually got off the right exit and began my three quarter mile walking voyage to The Coffee Studio. 6:15A.M- I arrive. Flustered from being late and tired at the same time, I had learned that actually today I wasn’t working. Morning event #1, check.
Fast forward to now and I’d say its about 6:45A.M (I left my phone at my apartment). Sitting at the bar at the Coffee Studio reading whatever free newspaper I was able to snatch. “New City: Arts and Entertainment”. About two and quarters of a cup in with coffee and actually relieved that I didn’t have to work. Although it’s a kick ass job. I turned to the horoscopes and looked myself up. The author of it, one Mr. Rob Brezny, added personal anecdotes and what seemed like unconventional horoscopes. (I say unconventional with ease because I assume there is no conventional way of telling a horoscope. He just added a little of his own opinion? God, who cares). I sort of liked mine- even cut it out. Check it:
“CNN reported on two neo-Nazi skinheads from Poland, a married couple, who discovered they were actually Jews. It turned out that during World War II, the truth about their origins had been hidden by their parents for fear of persecution. Years later, when the Jewish Historical Institute in Warsaw informed them that they were members of the group they hated for so long, they were shocked. Since then, they have become observant Jews who worship at an orthodox synagogue. The new perspective you’ll be getting about your own roots may not be as dramatic as theirs, Capricorn. But I bet it will lead to a shift in your self-image. Are you read to revise your history?”
Really was looking for “follow your dreams today” or “you’ll get what you want”. Those are terrible examples. But really I wasn’t looking to “shift my self-image”. C’mon, Rob. Dropping the load on March 28! I got bigger things to worry about. Anyways, Rob has a little “homework” section for his readers (smart..). A little food for thought, mind boggling, extremely philosophical question and an email that has “truthrooster” before its gmail dot com. What a job, mm. People like that stuff, eh? Evaluating one’s self through words and blah blah. I guess it’s nice. I’ll give it go-
“What is the first thing you want? What’s the last thing? Are they related in any way?
Pause. I’m writing this sucker back at my apartment.
And go- First thing I wanted? I really wanted? Kristin Shultz, second grade. Hot damn. Other than that, I wanted to change the world. I know, i know you’re earliest memory? Really, that deep? My thought process had no depth (The thought of changing the world derived from endless vhs-taped episodes of the first and second season of the Mighty Morphin fuckin’ Power Rangers. And Inspector Gadget. Go go gadget being poor, dropped out, and the verge of being kicked out my apartment, GO!) These tangents always make my lose focus on my original thought..ah yes! I just was introduced to the idea of being famous, and recognizing it, from waaaay back when. I actually have a photo of the exact moment and had it in my car for awhile. It’s a polaroid of my pa and I at some sort of elementary school function back in the 586 and I’m standing in awe of this life sized poster of Earvin (Magic) Johnson. I mean this guy does what he loves to do, (and more recently who he loves to do. estimated 1000 women on his sexcapades? Damn.) gets paid endless amounts of money, and gets a fucking life sized poster of himself in a suburban town in Michigan. From then on, everything I did was towards being “famous”. “Changing the world”. Different activities I partook in to achieve my goal- “Monkeys Eat Cheese” newspaper publication with David Goodrich, “Art”work with different elementary mediums, and most currently- music. Who knows, I gotta try though. Its the inner-child in me. Then again, I also have an early memory of wanted to smoke and drink.
The last thing I want- ah much much more of a creative process. Thank you, Robert. The last thing I want can be broken up into so many sectors- it’ll be a mess to read (and even attempt to think). Simply put, I just want to die with no regrets. I know people say that all day, everyday- but I’m actually going to die with no regrets. Haha, actually I’ll probably die from completing this faux bucket list I have. No regrets, no regrets, no regrets. What an accomplishment to say “I did everything I wanted to do. Saw everything I wanted to see. Experienced everything I wanted to experience” I mean why not suicide after that? What’s left? It’s hard to think of what I really want in the end. It’s much, much easier to think about what I DON’T want in the end. I guess I run that way and you know what, most people do. This portion was fucking pointless. Stupid question, rob.
They don’t relate because I was a child and then grew up- what about you?
That entire top portion was written a few days back and was drafted so now I’m finishing it here, 9:38 in the PM, post work. A good day (in some ways). Today..was a good day. You know those days? Just on top of the world. Like ecstasy on the top world feelin. Just fuckin’ just on top. I’ve been powering through Californication (which you should too) and Hank Moody (played by Duchovony from the X-Files) is almost who I would want to be. I won’t go into some teaser trailer tangent about the show, but all you need to know is that he literally does what he wants, does it smart, and has an end result that only selfishly benefits him. And for a man who just got over a sex addiction to play a role he’s banging some bitch every three minutes- and shot very raunchy. You gotta give the guy respect. Where am I going with this, where I am going with this..Oh yeah, I feel on top of the world. You want to know why, don’t cha? I’m moving to SF in the Fall, I’ve got two kick-ass jobs with the best people I’ve ever met (in their own way), and moneys. Money (clearly) has never been an issue with me. I mean, it’s screwing me like I’m college chick (about what? three or four shots in?) but it doesn’t phase me. I know I should be worried- like sincerly worried. I got called to small claims court in Michigan and all. Overall, I probably owe credit debtors, over due bills, bitches, and pimps roughly over 10,000? Who knows, man. All I care about, literally, is doing well. My work ethic has evolved tremendously, I’m close to being in love with someone I’d never thought possible and it’s coming right back at me, I’ve made friends that motivate me, and I have a ton of acid coming my way very soon. What else is there, wordpressees? What else is there?
I need to write with more form- apologies.