robot squids

[As he sits there admiring his family, all is lost. The glimpses of his past life gone alongside loneliness, sanity, and any sort of traditional atmosphere that a man in his mid thirties can attain. Groggy and tired from the prior night- the restlessness of his newborn son. Nicolai, now looking past the foreground to the photo hanging on the wall and muting out the monotonous mumbling of his wife and the crying, begins to reminisce.

The idea of a family to a young adult Nicolai- absolute nonsense. A grimacing cringe surfacing on his face with even the thought of little bastards polishing off furniture with their dirty, snot infested finger tips. Infestation. The best word to describe what family meant to Nicolai. This pessimistic, slightly cynical, attitude originated from his wee years living in Santa Fe with his mother and father. Growing up as an only child has its perks, but as most know, it comes with a whirlwind of fucked up “traditions”. Nicolai spent the majority of his nights falling asleep to the sound of argument, hate, and regret- the usual American tradition. He had his outlets. He had his way out. He had his own world. A world of unimaginable creativity with a sprinkle of aspiration. Nicolai was a dreamer with no rope of reality to grip on to and slowly inching away. Some would consider his early childhood habits “strange”. Scattered all around his room were pages upon pages of drawings. Not your usual elementary drawings- remember, “strange”. With only the memories of arguments and near domestic abuse situations, Nicolai dreamt of loving and caring parents. Attentiveness was not something his parents were capable of. Nor was love. These drawn pages consumed with not only fictional character drawings but personality traits that he wished he was surrounded with. Drawing upon drawing filled with hopes and imagination of people that didn’t exist. He was an inventor. He was an artist. He was a dreamer and he was the only one. These drawings transposing into what would later be the greatest achievement young Nicolai would experience.

Stopped by an interruption by his wife, “Honey, what are you thinking about?” Nicolai shook his head and mumbled a few words to get out of conversation. His state of mind was filled with nostalgic memories and he knew it was pointless. Why dwell in the past? He excused himself from dinner, gave the baby a kiss, and grabbed his keys. Abruptness was something Amee had become accustomed to. She knew he would be back eventually and she understood Nicolai more than anyone else. With the key in the ignition, Nicolai released a sigh followed by a deep breath. He had to leave. And that’s what happened. Nicolai left.]

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