come and go

A glass of cabernet (pre opened without permission courtesy of the black swan), a new pack of cigarettes, and a lot on my mind. Here me out- all of it. Okay?

First off, let me just say that only a few people come and go in each of our lives that really impact us. It takes time to realize that and it may only be for a short period, but they are there. Half the effort really lies on your shoulder to go out and engage, but for the majority, (some as close as a few feet- fucking idiot) it never happens. These few truly influential people come and go into each and everyone’s lives, but the funny thing about people, now hear me out, they are so consumed with their own well being and their own superficial, Hollywood-movie influenced (specifically lesbian hallucinating sequences), and pathetic lives that they miss out on an opportunity. He (..i mean they) only focuses on what matters to his (again, their..) tiny brain and what fucking stupid ideas are compartmentalized in his (their..) brain. Such as, you ask? Well ladies and gents- floor one consists of unhealthy diets with over indulging eats (which will believe me, ruin your “modeling” career- hahahaha) alongside a torn view of all people with a pinch of fairy dust. (Of course, you CANNOT forget the continuous, retarded ((let me note that I love vulgarity. Seriously, love it- but I never ever use retarded. I love fuck, asshole, cunt [sometimes], midget, and even faggot [only when it really shouldn’t be used- that’s faggoty comedy!] I mean there are so many other synonyms that hurt harder and make you sound intelligent, but in this case it’ll do)) “statements” that are bled out of your idiotic mouth). For the minorities of this deteriorating earth- I applaud you. You go out and venture. You go out and make a life. You go out “and live your golden life” (as quoted from my mum). In my case, Jennifer Lassiter comes to mind. I try not to reveal names (these obvious clues to whodunnit are more fun), but this time you deserve praise. Hopefully you’ll pass by this entry some day, Jen, because you meant a whole lot to me. I’m utterly, seriously, UTTERLY down in the dumps about not seeing you prior your departure, but my last memory of you mimics one of my first memories with you. You are who I wish I was. As direct as that sounds, it’s true. Free spirited, independent, and goal-oriented. I mean believe me, I’ve met a lot of people like that, but never someone who was as grounded as you. You lived, dreamed, bigger and better than anyone I’ve ever met yet you maintained this maturity (i cannot think of a better word. and I’m not saying it like “oh my gosh- seriously, i CANNOT think of a better word”- it’s more “i haven’t been in school for awhiles time, i’m an idiot and can’t think of another word. also I’m pretty sure that last comma is improperly used). When I first met you, you told me about your traveling adventures from place to place to place to place to place (and so on) and my first thought? This chick will appreciate me taking out loans (15,000 big ones) and traveling and saying fuck everything (which I was looking forward to..) but..that was not the case. This chick called me out on it and told me I was making a stupid decision. Frankly, I didn’t like you for this reason because you totally ripped on my dreams- but it took me a few days to realize that you were living my dreams. (And I told you this before)- but this girl will find your flaws and tell you to your face regardless if she knows your name or not. At first- crazy bitch. In the end- complete badass. You helped me grow in more ways than one (as I told you today) and I can never thank you enough. I hope you realize this in your journeys to come (that in Chicago, you helped this twenty year old, debt FILLED, college drop out that I need to get my life on track before I can go where I want. And in addition, that I CAN go where I want, and I should.) that you are one of the most unique individuals and you can change the world (or at least under-aged asians). Thank you.

Aside from that, why do we park in a driveway..and drive on a parkway?

p.s. this was a total stream of consciousness-like entry hence NO proofreading. P4rd0n da errarz.

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